Timmy 7 February, 2013
1. Don't be such an arrogant prick
2. You don't always have to be first to speak
3. Always be writing a grant proposal, it is why they will promote you
4. It is easier to move up by moving around
5. Your PhD students are the route to publications with more than 5 you always have something to publish
6. Sleeping with your colleagues is sometimes a bad idea
7. Sleeping with your colleagues wife is always a bad idea
8, Head of Department is the best job on campus, you stay within your discipline and can make a big difference or so they believe, keep them thinking so
9. Head of School is the worst job on Campus as you move out of your discipline and rarely make a difference
10, Take every sabbatical opportunity that comes by.
Borat 4.9 7 February, 2013
11. Always get up after 12.
12. Only go in to work when there are no meetings on
13. Never turn up for a departmental meeting, performance review, or speech by anyone more senior than you
14. Be as rude as possible to anyone who calls themselves HoD, HoS, Dean, President, pro-vc or any of that other crap.
15. Never prepare for a lecture
16. Never put anything on moodle, blackboard
17. Tell students you are a traditionalist and mark very harshly 18. Never read your colleagues publications or talk to any of them about academic work
19. Moan constantly about useless admin people
20. Tell all admin people 'i pay your salary from my research grant. '
21. Tell all admin people ' you're only here because of me'
Oh, sorry, forgot to say, only try the above if you're god's gift. Even then you'll probably get sacked...
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